Staying together for the long haul doesn’t necessarily mean action in the bedroom has to suffer. In fact, knowing each other so well can actually make things even hotter in that arena.
Need proof? We spoke to real couples, all of whom have been together for 10 years or longer and rank their sex lives very highly. Lucky for you, they were willing to share their secrets.
“The secret to keeping sex exciting is making sure the lines of communication are open,” says Alisa, 40, who has been married for 18 years.
“Tony didn’t always know how to give me an orgasm. When I made the decision to talk to him about what does work, we reached a whole new level of intimacy. I wasn’t waiting for him to ‘figure it out’ anymore; sharing has made both of us better lovers.”
“We’ve been married for 11 years and have three children, but my husband and I still have fun, just like we did when we were dating,” says Caroline,* 39.
“We still ‘do it’ on the floor, even though we have a California king [bed]. Every now and then when he’s working from home, I’ll interrupt him in stilettos and a robe, or I’ll quickly flash him when we’re out and no one’s looking. When he tries to playfully grope me, I don’t swat him away—it keeps the spark alive.”
“Some of our most mind-blowing sessions were essentially out in the open where we could have been caught,” says Chet, 49, who has been with his wife for 16 years.
“Once we were on vacation, taking advantage of two-for-one piña coladas while we watched the sunset. Next thing I knew, my wife was straddling me, bathing suit pushed aside, and we were looking out for people walking by!”
“We take turns initiating sex,” says Alisa, “because we’ve found that in most relationships only one person initiates and that can lead to a power struggle and feelings of rejection.
“We had to work out which days were better for us. Tony initiates Sunday through Tuesday, and I’m on call Wednesday through Friday. Saturday is either a day of rest or a bonus day!”
“Quantity has nothing to do with quality,” says Patricia, 50, who has been married for 14 years.
“My husband and I continue to find new levels of intensity. For us, it’s about treating sex as an opportunity to discover something new. The key to having a fulfilling long-term sex life is to shift your focus away from excitement, and focus instead on the richness and texture in every experience. There’s always the potential to be surprised.”
“I remember gaining 40 pounds with my first pregnancy and feeling so unattractive,” says Sharon, “but my sweet husband still wanted to have sex with me, and always made a point of telling me how sexy and beautiful I was.”
“There was a time when I felt like sex was a one-way street, but it turns out our problems stemmed from issues outside the bedroom,” says Erika.
“My husband was worried about finances and other things that took his mind off sex completely. That bothered me and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, but we tackled those issues head-on. Now we’re past that, and our sex life is great again.”
